I might not really be around anymore you guys, things just aren’t working out for me right now and I’m going to be somewhere with no computer for the next few months. I want to continue on this course that God has taken me to, see why it is that he brought me here only to watch things fall apart. For those of you who have my e-mail, which I believe is only a few, please e-mail me. I could use the company of your words right now. For those of you who want to keep in touch, message me and we’ll trade info.
Take care.
Then I got hurt, got cheated on, got involved in things I shouldn’t have been involved in and started second-guessing things. I started second-guessing everything, a lot.
I’m not sure how to start redeeming myself. How does one go from being openly jealous or uneasy about certain situations to letting your significant other know that you’ve bounced back from that?
I’m really stumped ladies and gentlemen. I started to say that everything was fine when it wasn’t a lot of the time, he knew that, but now what do you do when everything is actually fine and they still think it isn’t?
I want to be able to say, yeah I agree, your female friend is pretty hot and you should go out and have a drink with her. I want to get back to where I was confident, loud and knew that there wasn’t any reason for me to think that something bad would come of it. I want to be that unpredictable 17-year-old who dyed her hair a different color every couple of months and probably ogled more women than her boyfriend.
I used to be so fucking easy going and interesting, now I’m cautious and socially awkward. Being hurt isn’t who I am anymore, I’ve come to terms with it.
So someone tell me, how do you start putting that foot forward again without creating friction between what you now feel and the things that you’ve stood so firmly on before?
I know, you’ve all heard the complaints about the new generation time and time again but I do whole-heartedly wish that children today had grown up with the television shows and music of my childhood. Although I was corrupt from day one, I was still able to identify the wholesomeness that I was being raised around.
I will never forget “One Saturday Morning” shows or collecting Pokemon cards as though I was actually interested in battling with them. The 90’s were a great time and I’m probably going to be one of those old ladies that nag the youth with lectures that begin with “Back in my day..” because of that fact. The biggest thing I had to worry about was missing out on a great game of kick the can with some random neighbourhood kids, nowadays my heart breaks when I hear seven-year-olds nit-picking their looks because of role models like Lady Gaga or Selena Gomez.
Do you remember Lizzie McGuire? She was such a wholesome, pretty girl and not only that but she had an average, slightly chubby, teenage body. We all loved her and she didn’t need skimpy clothing or rock-hard abs to impress us. She made us look at our best male friends in a whole new light after finally moving her crush from Ethan to Gordo. I heard my little cousin say that one of the guys from Twilight was “SO HOT” and that he was the kind of guy she wanted to be her boyfriend, just hot, nothing more. Then I thought back to guys that I crushed on at her age, I liked them because they were fun to play with and liked the same N64 game as me, the most I ever said about their looks was that they were kind of cute. What changed?
I’m now realizing that I really have no great way of segueing out of this and I also realize that most people who grew up before the year 2000 are bitter towards the way things are now. So maybe it wasn’t all that great in the long run, who knows?
Honesty, I’m not sure what people consider honesty to be anymore. I’ve come to the disturbing realization that most people are only honest when confronted or when it seems like “the right time” to bring something up. I don’t know about you guys but I often confess or bring things up out of the blue because I don’t want it plaguing me later and I definitely don’t want to keep putting it off while constantly convincing myself that the time just isn’t right. Sometimes there just isn’t a good enough setting to say certain things so I believe that I should put it out there as soon as possible no matter the consequences. Let’s face it, for the most part being honest is almost worthless when you come clean about it years later. Sure, the sentiment is always appreciated but you should understand that when you do that you’re being cowardly. You’re giving yourself 5 years to think about something, mauling it over in your head asking yourself if this person is worth coming clean to and you just let it sit there until you no longer feel that awful about, then you go and tell that person the truth, expecting them to forgive you right then and there? Well I for one am not going to give you a pat on the back and a gold star for telling the truth when it was on your own selfish terms. Just Sayin’
