Shixification

You have those moments where you’ve been stewing over something that someone has been doing (or not doing) for days or even weeks then you finally get the nerve to talk to them about it and they take it so graciously it just leaves you feeling like an idiot?

I do this a lot, you’d think I’d learn after all these years that when this happens, the most likely outcome will be reconciliation and sometimes it will even strengthen the relationship.

The People Puzzle

  Sometimes, there are just some pieces that don’t fit into the puzzle that is your life, no matter how pretty and alluring they look. They just don’t. You’ll probably ask yourself a million times, “Why?”, you’ll shout up at whatever it is that you believe in to answer you and listen to all the “time heals all wounds” from various voices thinking that they couldn’t possibly understand.

 Then one day, you discover that there was another piece missing from your life and though it probably will never replace that piece that you pined for (though in my case it did), it will at least help to make both pieces fit into two separate sections of your life, one being your past and the other your future. You’ll smile to yourself or perhaps feel a little sadness when you stop and remember that part of the puzzle and how you thought that it would last forever as you compare it to where you are now, it’ll make sense. There are people who will always wonder all the possible what ifs? but I think that in the end, most are content with not ever pursuing them.

As corny as this all sounds, things do happen for a reason. They’re not all great reasons but I like to take comfort in the fact that the ways of the universe are intentional despite not seeming that way. I think it’s the romantics in us that like to believe in chance happenings when it comes to the people in our lives, usually though, those people come to reveal their great uses and purposes in our lives.

I think it’s kind of beautiful.

Being with someone for three years is a long time, you change a lot along the way and as they change, you learn that you like things you never thought you would like about someone.

I remember there was this point in our relationship when we were at the pub with friends, I felt like he wasn’t the misanthropic, cynical, lone-wolf man that I fell for. He was very social and optimistic, it took me a long time to realize that he probably came off that way because he had the woman he loved sitting beside him rather than a 28 hour drive away.

I look at where we are today, we keep the groups that we hang out with small and awesome. I look forward to our social gatherings and people asking about “us” as though we think and feel the same things and are now just one big mushy blob. We kept the best of both worlds in our social life, though we still prefer to be at home alone, playing battlefield 3 and re-watching 30 rock episodes, it’s nice to know that when we’re feeling like getting out that there are some wonderful people to visit.

I think a part of me was previously too reluctant to change the fact that she cut ties with her old friends for a reason and kind of just forgot to make new ones. Perhaps, though, it wasn’t that we changed at all and more that we added things to our lives. At least that’s the way that I like to look at it.

I never really realized that the reason I crave my boyfriend on such a physical level is because he fulfills my emotional and non-sexual needs. It’s just that extra something I need from him in order to feel complete.

This is great and all but it also makes it really tough to have a healthy Christian relationship with him too. I would love it if foreplay was enough until we got married someday but that’s just not how it is. I suppose it’s easier for people who haven’t already lost their virginity, for people who haven’t already discovered what they like and what they don’t and people who haven’t already discovered that in their partner as well. It’s so easy for us to press each others buttons in all the right ways.

It’s difficult for him because I’m so comfortable with my sexuality now, so I wear skirts that are a little shorter and necklines that are a little deeper. I wear bras that cup my cleavage in a flattering way and wear my hair in ways that are begging to be tousled. I sound slutty in the way I describe it but actually it’s mostly subtle and I just know what he’ll notice.

I honestly don’t know how people do this and I’m also very impressed by their will power. Kudos to you all.

What an emotional rollercoaster

 I spent the better half of the morning thinking my relationship was doomed, doomed I tell you. I come home, we talk about all the things we’ve been putting on the back burner due to work and then have a three hour dinner date. It was amazing.

 Still, things are up in the air but as an upside, I feel more motivated than ever to love even more passionately than I ever have before. Today was quite an experience.

 I hope that you all will pray for my relationship, and that those of you who don’t pray will send me good vibes and best wishes or whatever it is that you feel comfortable doing. It would be appreciated.

 I’ve been working on  my jealousy, on bringing fun to our relationship despite my exhaustion from work and just being more delightful like I used to be. I need strength and kind words you guys, thanks.

 I hope you’re all having a swell day.

I used to be a cool girlfriend

 Then I got hurt, got cheated on, got involved in things I shouldn’t have been involved in and started second-guessing things. I started second-guessing everything, a lot.

 I’m not sure how to start redeeming myself. How does one go from being openly jealous or uneasy about certain situations to letting your significant other know that you’ve bounced back from that?

 I’m really stumped ladies and gentlemen. I started to say that everything was fine when it wasn’t a lot of the time, he knew that, but now what do you do when everything is actually fine and they still think it isn’t?

 I want to be able to say, yeah I agree, your female friend is pretty hot and you should go out and have a drink with her. I want to get back to where I was confident, loud and knew that there wasn’t any reason for me to think that something bad would come of it. I want to be that unpredictable 17-year-old who dyed her hair a different color every couple of months and probably ogled more women than her boyfriend.

I used to be so fucking easy going and interesting, now I’m cautious and socially awkward. Being hurt isn’t who I am anymore, I’ve come to terms with it.

So someone tell me, how do you start putting that foot forward again without creating friction between what you now feel and the things that you’ve stood so firmly on before?