Shixification

I never thought that I’d be packing my bags for any other reason than to get away with him for a weekend or because we’ve found a new home together. Here I am though, packing my bags because I’ve made the treacherous mistake of telling a half truth.

I confess to you all now that I have so many struggles when it comes to voicing the mistakes I’ve made in the past and that I, too often, tell only the partial truth in hopes that I won’t have to say the rest until I’m ready. It doesn’t matter if I haven’t done anything wrong because not telling even the little details can cause harm to the one you love. It doesn’t matter if you were going to tell the truth eventually, if they find out that they didn’t  hear the entire story before you tell them, it is your own fault.

I’m stuck between so many feelings, there is a strong voice in me saying that our journey together doesn’t end here but what can I do when anything I say is no longer seen as the truth? I’m deciding between moving out but sticking around and devoting myself to the church more and going home and falling back into what I left. I’m on a deadline and I don’t know where to turn.

I feel like I’ve confessed too many times, like I no longer deserve to be heard or forgiven. I should be more open than this by now, I should be at peace with my past more than this by now. I should be so many things but I’m not and it’s killing me and the man that I love so dearly. I need prayers, I need a lot of them and I need Christians of good faith tossing His Word at me right now.

Au Revoir, Internets.

 I am not well, spiritually or artistically, and I have found that the internet has provided me with a higher level of distraction from these problems than I had originally thought. It has come to the point where I skim scripture and roll my eyes at myself for even looking at beautiful art because I feel the artist is much more talented than I could ever be. So, I’ve decided to stay off of the internet for a week (starting tomorrow). I know that this may seem silly to some and crazy to others but the truth is, I am far too reliant on the web for my entertainment and inspiration. It’s time that I uncover some of my own, which to me, is a tad bit intimidating.

So pray for me, send me your best hand-picked wishes or whatever it is that you like to do when showing someone your support. It’s much appreciated.